Order Order

SANTA went to a court and was looking at the judge.

JUDGE: "Order ! Order !"

SANTA: "1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"

JUDGE: "Shut Up !"

SANTA:"No, No, I want 7-Up!

Ha Ha Ha

Loving & Sharing

Man: Darling, I could go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: OK, but would you stay there?

Man: Well, I offer myself to you darling.

Woman: Sorry, I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: Darling, I want to share everything with you.

Woman: Well, first let's start from your bank account.

Ha Ha Ha

Writing Arithmetic

A teacher asked a student to write 55.

Student: How to write 55?

Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!

Student: Wrote 5 and stopped.

Teacher: Why did you stop writing? What are you waiting for?

Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

Ha Ha Ha

Doctor & Patient

A patient goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

Doctor: What do you mean?

Patient: When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.

Doctor: I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!

Ha Ha Ha

Mind Your Language

Husband texts to wife on cellphone.

"Hi,what are you doing darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"

Wife: "you idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language"!

Ha Ha Ha

Identity Jinx

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and in blue jeans. Is that one a boy or a girl?

B: That one's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Ha Ha Ha

Paying Bill

Wife: Dear, yesterday-night I saw a dream that you were sending me jewelry and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill !!!

Ha Ha Ha

Enjoying Holidays

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So, I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: One For you and two for your parents.

Wife:!!!!

Ha Ha Ha

Searching Expiry Date

Wife:Honey,what are you looking for?

Husband: Well, nothing dear.

Wife:Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour

Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.

Ha Ha Ha

Super Fast Processing

Three life insurance salesmen of US, India and Pakistan were having a chat.

Pakistani: Do you know that when a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours.

Indian: That's great. Do you know that when a man died, we delivered a check the same evening.

American: Wow, that’s nothing. Our office is situated on the 20th floor of the WTC building. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

Ha Ha Ha

Wife's Meaning!

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...without Information, fighting every time!

Wife: No darling , it means fighting with idiot for ever.

Ha Ha Ha

Great Problem Solver

Wife: Dear, you always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: Darling, when there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes darling, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?"

Ha Ha Ha

Deadly Reply

A discussion between teacher and student.

Teacher: If you have 10 chocolate cakes and someone asks for 2, How many chocolate cakes are left with you?

Student: Teacher, it will be 10.

Teacher: OK, well what if somebody forcibly takes 2 chocolate cakes then you will be left with how many chocolate cakes?

Student: 10 and a dead body.

Ha Ha Ha

Getting Out!

A man phones the librarian in the middle of the night.

Librarian picks the phone."What is it?"

Man:"When will the library open?"

Librarian: Tomorrow at 9 A.M.

Man:Visibly annoyed."Not any sooner?"

Librarian: "No". What's the hurry to get in to the library?

Man:Who told you about getting in , I want to get OUT.

Ha Ha Ha