The Perfect Son!!!

Santa: I have the perfect son.

Banta: Does he smoke?

Santa: No, he doesn't.

Banta: Does he drink whiskey?

Santa: No, he doesn't.

Banta: Does he ever come home late?

Santa: No, he doesn't.

Banta: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

Santa: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Ha Ha Ha

Short Talk!!!

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Ha Ha Ha

No Answering Back!!!

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."

One of his friends asked. "And when you are angry, what do you do?"

The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dare to answer back.

Same Service!

A husband visited a marriage counsellor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counsellor. "You're still getting the same service!"

7 Up

SANTA went to court. There was noise in the court room.

JUDGE:Order ! Order !

SANTA:1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !

JUDGE:Shut Up !

SANTA:No,No..7-Up!

Ha Ha Ha

Father & Son

SON: Father, give me the car key, I am now old enough to drive.

FATHER: Oh, no, the car is not old enough to be driven by you!

Ha Ha Ha

Pressing The Bell?

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,

Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again, Santa replies,

I'm coming daily since 4 days,

I press the bell but no one comes out.

Ha Ha Ha

Wait A Minute

A man is talking to God.

The man: Dear God, how long is a million years?

God: To me, it's about a minute.

The man: God, how much is a million dollars?

God: To me it's a penny.

The man: God, may I have a penny?

God: Wait a minute.

Ha Ha Ha

Photo Make Up

Boy: Where Are You Going?

Girl: For Suicide.

Boy: Then, Why So Much Make-Up?

Girl: You Idiot..!! Tomorrow My Photo will Come In Newspapers.

Ha Ha Ha

Doctor & Patient

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"

The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."

The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

Ha Ha Ha

The Perfect Son!!!

Santa: I have the perfect son.

Banta: Does he smoke?

Santa: No, he doesn't.

Banta: Does he drink whiskey?

Santa: No, he doesn't.

Banta: Does he ever come home late?

Santa: No, he doesn't.

Banta: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

Santa: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Ha Ha Ha

A Jerky Reply

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.

Man: No, I wasn't.

Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.

Man: But I wasn't speeding.

Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)

Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?

Officer: Yes, you would.

Man: What if I just thought that you were?

Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.

Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

Ha Ha Ha

Caught On The Wrong Foot

BOSS: Do you believe in life after Death?

EMPLOYEE: Certainly not! There's no proof of it

BOSS:Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you.

Pizza Pieces

Santa orders pizza.

Waiter: Sirm should I cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?

Santa: 4 pieces will do. I can't eat 8 pieces.

Ha Ha Ha

Who Found America?

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.

Maria: This is it.

Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?

Class: Maria did.

Ha Ha Ha

Spoony Problem

Patient: Doctor, I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.

Doctor: Well take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

Ha Ha Ha

Dumb Love

A discussion takes place between Santa and a priest about women.

Santa: Why did God make women so beautiful?

Priest: So that you will love them.

Santa thinks for a short time.

Santa: But why did God make them so dumb?

Priest: So that they will love you.

Ha Ha Ha

Funny Girl

Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.

Teacher: So, What?

Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.

Ha Ha Ha

Funny Accountant

A funny accountant visits a museum with Santa.

Accountant: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.

Santa: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?

Accountant: I was here 20 days ago. The guide told me that the painting was 500 years old.

Ha Ha ha

Hot Coffe - Cold Cofee

A Funny short man & his wife go to a coffee house. Funny short man buys 2 cups of coffee.

Funny Man: Drink quickly... drink quickly... before it gets cold.

Wife: But why...

Funny Man: They charge Rs. 50 for hot coffee and Rs 100 for cold coffee.

Ha Ha Ha

One More Drink!

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman.

The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky.

The Englishman was glad to have a drink.

"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."

The Englishman drank gratefully.

"But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.

"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

Ha Ha Ha

Train Schedule

A man was complaining to a railway engineer.

Rail Traveler: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

Railway Engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule.

Ha Ha Ha

A Messy House

Husband: I invited my friend yo our house for lunch.

Wife: Oh, Dear not now because the whole house is in a mess.

Husband: Well, I wanted to show him all this because he wanted get married.

Ha Ha Ha

Living Life

Husband: Will you re marry. If I die.

Wife: I will live with my sister.

Wife: Will you re marry. If I die.

Husband: I will live with your sister.

Ha Ha Ha

Talking Sweet Things

Husband and wife had enough fight and after wife was very angry and told.

Wife: I am going to my parents house and give you a divorce.

Husband: Don't try to please me talking sweets things.

Ha Ha Ha

Joining Army

Husband 1: What makes you join army?

Army Guy : I loved army and war and had no wife. What about you.

Husband 2: Well I have a wife. And I wanted peace. So, I joined Army.

Ha Ha Ha

Survival Tactics

Husband : Can you survive in this small income?

Wife : Sure I will, what about you?

Wife : If I climb the Mount Everest what you will do???

Husband: Push.

Ha Ha Ha

Anger Management

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."

One of his friends asked. "And when you are angry, what do you do?"

The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dare to answer back.

Ha Ha Ha

Neighbourly Talk

One woman told another : My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband.

but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward.

but have I ever said anything bad about him?

Ha Ha Ha

Same Service

Discussion between a Counsellor and a Client.

Husband: When we were first married,I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.

Counsellor: Why complain? You're still getting the same service!

Ha Ha Ha

Horsy Call

Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.

Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.

Wife: I am extremely sorry dear!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan on his head again.

Husband: What now..?

Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

Ha Ha Ha

Elephant Milk

Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.

Santa: That's impossible. Whose baby?

Banta: An elephant's.

Ha Ha Ha

Founder Of America

The Teacher & the student in a class.

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.

Maria: This is it.

Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?

Class: Maria did.

Teacher: !!!!

Ha Ha Ha

Spelling a Lengthy Word

Santa went for an interview and the discussion was as follows:

The manager started interviewing Santa.

Manager: Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?

Santa: P-O-S-T-B-O-X

Manager: !!!!

Ha Ha Ha

Order Order

SANTA went to a court and was looking at the judge.

JUDGE: "Order ! Order !"

SANTA: "1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold-drink !"

JUDGE: "Shut Up !"

SANTA:"No, No, I want 7-Up!

Ha Ha Ha

Loving & Sharing

Man: Darling, I could go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: OK, but would you stay there?

Man: Well, I offer myself to you darling.

Woman: Sorry, I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: Darling, I want to share everything with you.

Woman: Well, first let's start from your bank account.

Ha Ha Ha

Writing Arithmetic

A teacher asked a student to write 55.

Student: How to write 55?

Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!

Student: Wrote 5 and stopped.

Teacher: Why did you stop writing? What are you waiting for?

Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

Ha Ha Ha

Doctor & Patient

A patient goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

Doctor: What do you mean?

Patient: When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.

Doctor: I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!

Ha Ha Ha

Mind Your Language

Husband texts to wife on cellphone.

"Hi,what are you doing darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?"

Wife: "you idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language"!

Ha Ha Ha

Identity Jinx

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and in blue jeans. Is that one a boy or a girl?

B: That one's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Ha Ha Ha

Paying Bill

Wife: Dear, yesterday-night I saw a dream that you were sending me jewelry and clothes!

Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill !!!

Ha Ha Ha

Enjoying Holidays

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So, I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: One For you and two for your parents.

Wife:!!!!

Ha Ha Ha

Searching Expiry Date

Wife:Honey,what are you looking for?

Husband: Well, nothing dear.

Wife:Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour

Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.

Ha Ha Ha

Super Fast Processing

Three life insurance salesmen of US, India and Pakistan were having a chat.

Pakistani: Do you know that when a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours.

Indian: That's great. Do you know that when a man died, we delivered a check the same evening.

American: Wow, that’s nothing. Our office is situated on the 20th floor of the WTC building. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

Ha Ha Ha

Wife's Meaning!

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...without Information, fighting every time!

Wife: No darling , it means fighting with idiot for ever.

Ha Ha Ha

Great Problem Solver

Wife: Dear, you always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: Darling, when there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes darling, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?"

Ha Ha Ha

Deadly Reply

A discussion between teacher and student.

Teacher: If you have 10 chocolate cakes and someone asks for 2, How many chocolate cakes are left with you?

Student: Teacher, it will be 10.

Teacher: OK, well what if somebody forcibly takes 2 chocolate cakes then you will be left with how many chocolate cakes?

Student: 10 and a dead body.

Ha Ha Ha

Getting Out!

A man phones the librarian in the middle of the night.

Librarian picks the phone."What is it?"

Man:"When will the library open?"

Librarian: Tomorrow at 9 A.M.

Man:Visibly annoyed."Not any sooner?"

Librarian: "No". What's the hurry to get in to the library?

Man:Who told you about getting in , I want to get OUT.

Ha Ha Ha

Biting Reply

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.

He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"

The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.

"Oh," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"

The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog".

Ha Ha Ha

Best In The Block

There were three restaurants in the same block.

To beat the competition, one day one of the restaurants put up a sign board which read "The Best Restaurant in the City."

The next day, the largest restaurant in the block put up a larger sign board which read "The Best Restaurant in the World."

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign board which read "The Best Restaurant in this Block."

Ha Ha Ha

Good News & Bad News

A Patient receives a phone call from his Doctor.

Doctor: "I have some good news and some bad news for you."

Patient: "OK doctor, give me the good news first."

Doctor: "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

Patient: "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

Doctor: "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Ha Ha Ha

The Day Off

Two factory workers, a woman and a man are talking.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The other worker asks, "How would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

The fellow worker starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"

The mansays, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Ha Ha Ha

Poor Mouse

Santa: I'm in a big trouble!

Banta: Why is that?

Santa: I saw a mouse in my house!

Banta: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.

Santa: I don't have one.

Banta: Well then, buy one.

Santa: I Can't afford one.

Banta: I can give you mine if you want.

Santa: That sounds good.

Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.

Santa: I don't have any cheese.

Banta: OK then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and place it in the trap.

Santa: I don't have oil.

Banta: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.

Santa: I don't have bread.

Banta: Then what the hell is the mouse doing in your house?

Ha Ha Ha

River Bank

Wife called her husband over phone and started a discussion.

Wife: Honey where are you?

Husband: I'm at the bank.

Wife: Dear, please I need 5000 rupees to activate my Blackberry, 7000 to do my hair and 15,000 to buy a dress.

Husband: Sorry dear, I meant I was at the "bank" of a river.

I can get some really nice fish to cook?

Wife: !!!!

Ha Ha Ha

The Interview!

Santa goes for an interview for the post of detective. The content of the interview was on the following lines.

Interviewer - Mr. Santa, who killed Gandhiji?

Santa - Thank you sir for giving me the job. Without wasting further time, I will start investigation now.

Ha Ha Ha

Phoney Book

Santa goes to a library and see what happens.

Santa returns the book to library, bangs it on the table & says - My foot,

"I read the whole book. Too many characters, no story at all".

Librarian : Santa, so you are the one who took the Telephone Directory.

Ha Ha Ha

What's Common?

Santa and Banta were in an animated discussion and talk centred around Great personalities of the world.

Santa: What's common between Ram, Krishna, Gandhiji & Jesus..?

Banta : All were born on Government Holidays.

Santa: !!!!

Ha Ha Ha

A Foreigner?

After returning back from a foreign trip, santa asked his wife:

Santa: Do I look like a foreigner?

Wife: No! Why?

Santa: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

Wife:!!!!

Ha Ha Ha

A Tourist & Santa

A conversation between a tourist and Santa.

Tourist: Was any great man born in this village???

Santa: No sir, only small Babies are born in this village!!!

Ha Ha Ha

Suicide Story

Santa: Banta, why are you heating the knife?

Banta: To commit suicide.

Santa: But why are you heating it?

Banta: To prevent infection.

Ha Ha Ha

Salary Blues

Conversation between a boy friend and a girl friend.

Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?

Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive?

Ha Ha Ha

Boss Vs Employee

There was a discussion between the boss and an employee.

Angry Boss: Have you ever seen an owl?

Employee: (looking down) No Sir...

Boss: Don't look down. Look at me.

Ha Ha Ha

Missed Call

Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones.

For a change, both of them decided to use pigeons instead of cell phones to send messages.

They hit upon an innovative scheme. Both of them decided to send the messages by pigeons. They agreed to follow the new idea of sending the messages.

One day Santa sends his pigeon.

Banta sees, the pigeon is without any message.

Banta picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any sweet message.

Santa: that was a missed call.

Ha Ha Ha

Lawyer's Fee

Santa meets a lawyer and the conversation follows:

Santa: What is your fees?

Lawyer: Rs 5000/- for 3 questions.

Santa: Isn't it too high?

Lawyer: Yes, it is. What is your third question?

Ha Ha Ha

Never Beat Anybody!

Judge asks a little Kid: Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?

Kid: No, my mummy beats me.

Judge: Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.

Kid: No, my daddy beats me too.

Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?

Kid: I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!

Ha Ha Ha

Yogic Effect

A yoga teacher was inquiring an woman about the effects of yoga.

Yoga teacher: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, It has an amazing and funny effect on my husband. Earlier, he was drinking normally, now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

Ha Ha Ha

Marriage & Divorce

The following conversation went on between Santa and Banta.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.

Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Ha Ha Ha

Teacher & The Student

The following conversation takes place between a class teacher and the student - little Johnny. Little Johnny : Teacher, will you punish me for something that I have not done?

Teacher : Why should I punish you for something that you have not done. Certainly not little Johnny.

Little Johnny: Oh!That's really good teacher. Actually, I didn't do my homework!!!!!

Ha Ha Ha

Whom To Call?

Santa: Look, a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I made.

Banta: Whom should I call now, Police or Ambulance?

Ha Ha Ha

Drunken Dilemma

A heavily drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another heavily drunk man.

The first drunk man looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the Sun or the Moon?"

The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."

Ha Ha Ha

A Conversation With God

A man does a severe penance and God is please with his effort. Then the man starts a conversation with God. The conversation with God goes as follows:

Man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."

Man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God: "To me it's a penny."

Man: "God, may I have a penny?"

God: "Wait a minute."

Man: !!!!!

Fast Food

Two Tigers were taking rest under a huge banyan tree.

Suddenly, a Rabbit passed through in front of them like a flash . One tiger could not make out & asked the other tiger "What was that?"

2nd Tiger smiled and said: Fast Food.

Password Decoded

One day Santa and Banta went together to draw money from an ATM Centre. Both of them were standing in the queue. Banta was behind Santa in the line. It was Santa's turn to draw money from ATM.

Santa withdrew money from ATM.

Banta, who was just behind him in the queue said: Santa, I've seen your password. It's ****.

Santa: Banta, You are absolutely wrong. It's 1960.

Ha Ha Ha

Weighty Problem!

Once an elephant and an ant were walking along the highway. Soon, they come across an abandoned old bridge. the moment they stepped on the old bridge, it started creaking.

Hearing the creaking sound of the old bridge, the ant says...

Ant: Dear Elephant, your weight and my weight seems to be too heavy for this creaky bridge.

Elephant: !!!!!

Appointment Interview!!!

Once Santa attended an Interview and the conversation between the interviewer and Santa was as given below:

The interview commenced on a sedate note and the conversation went on following lines.

Interviewer : Give me the antonyms or opposite words.

Santa : Ok Sir.

Interviewer : Made in India

Santa : Destroyed in Pakistan

Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up

Santa : Bad.... Put it Down

Interviewer : Maxi Mum

Santa : Mini Dad

Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat

Santa : Insufficient! Don't take my seat

Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat

Santa : Clever! Don't take my seat

Interviewer : I say you get out!

Santa : You didn't say I come in

Interviewer : I reject you!

Santa : You appoint me.

Ha Ha Ha

Paid Coffee & Free Coffee

Once a conversation was going on between a customer and a waiter in a hotel.

Customer: Dear waiter, everyday you charge me for a cup of coffee. Don't you think, it would be damn wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today?...

Waiter: Dear Sir, I totally agree with you. Everyday, you drink from a cup filled with coffee. Indeed, it would be really wonderful if you drink coffee from an empty cup today.

Customer:!!!!!

Starting Problem

An Engineering college invited all the professors to a seminar and they were promptly made to sit in an aeroplane.

The organizers informed the invitee professors that the aeroplane that they were sitting on was built by their students and that in a few minutes, they will be taken for a ride.

Immediately, all the professors ran out of the aeroplane except one professor.

The organizers were curious and asked the professor why he was still sitting in the aeroplane while others ran out?

The professor coolly replied “If it’s made by our students, it will not even start”

Organizers: !!!!!!!

Indian Genius

Once in an international conference, a German, a Japanese and an Indian were discussing about the great achievements made by their respective countries.

To test the authenticity of their talk, a Russian asked the German, the Japanese and the Indian as to what was so special about their countries and gave the German a piece of stainless and asked him to show his skills.

Immediately, the German made a fine and tiny piece of wire made from stainless steel which was thinner than hair. The German told the Russian that such a fine piece of steel has not been made till now. The Russian appreciated the work of German.

The Japanese took the piece of wire made by the German, examined it closely and finally made a tiny hole in the stainless steel wire. The Japanese told the Russian that you cannot imagine that anyone can make a hole in a stainless steel wire which was thinner than hair. The Russian was stumped with this feat of the Japanese and congratulated him for the excellent work.

Finally, the Indian took the fine piece of stainless steel wire with a hole and gave it back to the Russian with the words MADE IN INDIA inscribed on the fine piece of stainless steel wire.

The Russian, the Japanese and the German:Fainted!!!!!!!!!!!

Ant & Elephant

One day an ant and an elephant were walking along in a forest. However, the ant was desperately searching for something. Sensing the restlessness of the ant, elephant inquired his friend as to what the ant was searching for? The conversation went on the following lines...

Elephant:My dear friend Ant what are you searching for?

Ant: Dear elephant, I wonder whether you can find it for me?

Elephant:OK, my dear friend, please tell me and I will try to search it for your sake.

Ant: Well, my dear friend, I lost my shoe. Can you find it for me?....................

Elephant:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teething Problems

An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.

:"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything." A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite.

"I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists. "She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."

Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?" The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"

Cheeky Writer!!!

At a social gathering of ladies, the talks turned to writers.

"Who is your favorite author?,"one lady asked another.

"My husband."

"He is a Writer."

"He writes."

Another Lady:"Does he write?"

Lady: "Yes. He does"

Another Lady: "What does he write?"

Lady: "He writes what pleases me most."

Another Lady: "You are speaking in circles. What pleases you most?"

Lady: "What my husband writes."

Another Lady: "For Heavens sake, please tell me,what does he write?"

Lady: "Of course cheques for the amounts I need.'

Another Lady: !!!!

Mathematics Of Anger

A Mother was trying to teach her son mathematics subtraction by distribution method.

Mother : Son,I have 20 mangoes with me.

I give 10 mangoes to your friend Ramesh, 5 to Sushmitha and another 5 to Dinesh.

Now son, tell me what will come to you?

Son : Mom if you give away all the mangoes to my friends, then only ANGER will come to me, what else?

Ha..ha..ha..

James Bond & Telugu Guy

Once, James Bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy in a flight. Both were traveling to US and the Telugu guy entered into a conversation with James Bond to break the monotony.

Telugu Guy: Hello May I know your name please?

James Bond: I am Bond... James Bond....... and how about you?

Telugu Guy: I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai ... Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bulusupalli Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...

James Bond: Faints!!!!

Password Unlocked!!!

Once Sardarji entered a cybercafe to check his mails.

The cafe was crowded so he had to wait for his turn. As he waited, he saw a man checking his mails.

He stood behind him and watched. The man typed his password and was waiting when sardarji cried out "Yes, Yes. I know your password. I can read your mails now.

Surprised, the man asked "OK, tell me what is my password?".

Sardarji replied, " Five Stars."

Mobile Exercises!

Santa was discussing his health condition with the doctor.

Doctor : If you want to maintain yourself, do daily exercise and you will be in shape.

Santa : Yes, doctor I am playing football,cricket,tennis daily.

Doctor : Where do you play?

Santa : I am playing all these games in my mobile phone.

Doctor: !!!!

A Prize To Remember

Son : Mummy, today I participated in a running race and won the second prize.

Mother : Really! That's very nice to hear son. Should I prepare some sweet?

Son : Ok Mummy. Please make it fast.

After a few minutes, the boy's father came and ate the sweet and asked his wife whether there was anything special today?

Wife : Yes dear, today our son had won the second prize in the running race.

Dad : Oh, happy to hear that. By the way, how many boys did participate in the race Son?

Son : only 2 Dad.

Mom and Dad : !!!!!!!!!!

Drying Logic

Santa and Banta were in a mental hospital. One day both of them were walking past a swimming pool, Santa suddenly jumped into the waters.

He sunk to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Banta promptly jumped in to the waters to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled Santa out.

When the medical director became aware of Banta's heroic act, he immediately ordered Banta to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When the doctor went to tell Banta the good news, he said,' Banta, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.

The bad news is Santa, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead.

Banta replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry.

Doctor:!!!!!

Height of Laziness...

Discussion between Dad and Son.

Dad: Son, why didn't you go to the exam?

Son: Dad, the exam paper was tough...!

Dad: Son,without going to the exam, how did you know that the paper is tough?

Son:Dad, the exam paper was leaked 2 days ago...

Dad:!!!!!

Three Friends & Fairie

Three African friends walking together are suddenly stopped by a Fairie.

The Fairie was pleased with them and offered them a chance to make one wish each.

The first one says, all my life I wanted to be white so please make me white. And in a flash, he becomes fair.

The second Black said, "Me too. Again in a flash, he too becomes fair.

The third African was giggling, chuckling and laughing his head off. The Fairie said,"tell me your wish" The third one says, "turn these two idiots Black again.

The Biggest Lie

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers: "We found a five hundred rupee note and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

Teacher: "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the five hundred rupee to the teacher.

Teacher:!!!!!

Outstanding!!!

Santa got his promotion and becomes an officer in the Government.

To keep up with his new status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates.

One fine morning, Santa found his peon peeping through the door to see if his boss was busy.

Santa noticed him and shouted,"Why are you outstanding! Please income".

Peon:!!!!!

A Marathon Race

One day Santa happened to watch a marathon race.

Santa: "What you guys are doing?" asked Santa.

1st Marathon Runner: "Running a marathon".

2nd Marathon Runner: "The winner will get the prize" replied the 2nd marathon runner.

Santa: "Only the winner will get prize! Then why the hell others are participating!!" Exclaimed Santa!!!

Runners:!!!!!

The Smartest Man

Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some trouble during the flight and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane.

The richest man in the world takes one parachute, because he says that his lawyers will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn't survive.

The smartest man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world would be a worse place without him.

The pilot says to the punk teenager "There's only one parachute left, I'll fight you for it." "That won't be necessary," said the punk, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."

Pilot:!!!!!

Roger Federer Vs Southern Super Star Rajnikant

Once Tennis World Champion Roger Federer met Rajnikant.

During the course of discussion, in a boasting tone, Roger Federer told Rajnikant:

Federer: "I m the Greatest and I know everything about Tennis."

Rajnikant: Sooper! In that case, I will ask you one simple question aa...

Federer: Go ahead...

Rajnikant: "How many holes are there in the NET...?"

Roger Fainted..!!!

How the Indian Mind Works

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"?

The Indian replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return".

Loan Officer:?????

My Joke Of The Day

Barber & The Indian Software Engineer

This is the story of a good old barber in the US and an Indian Software Engineer.

One day a florist goes to the barber for a haircut.

When he is about to pay the barber, the latter replies:

'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. Because, I am doing community service.'

The florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting at his doorstep.

This event is repeated till an Indian software engineer goes for a haircut.

When the Indian Software Engineer pays him, the barber tells him, 'I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'

The next morning, when the barber opens his shop, he finds a dozen Indians waiting for a free haircut.